Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tragedy in Local Park
Uninformed sources have reported a terrible accident has taken place in one of our nearby parks. It appears that dozens or perhaps ten innocent park visitors have been cruelly trampled by a herd of wildly out of control animals. The victims have been left lying in impossibly uncomfortable positions on the cold dank ground.
The suspects were caught on camera by a man walking his child (he can't afford a dog). It shows the reported owner of these animals --one S. Claus --deflated and probably inebriated-- being dragged from the scene. Bystanders claim that one of the culprits was so drunk his nose was actually glowing red.
If you see this man in your neighbourhood report him immediately to the proper authorities.
Warning : He is known to have a strange fondness for chimneys.